Transmissions 
..........Activating Directional Antenna............
..........Searching for Earth.......................
..........Earth Found!..............................
..........Synchronizing Chronometers................
Chronomike = 20070608
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Transmission # = 5464884512062992532
Rotation Increment = 6:48 PM
I know why aliens use anal probes!
I was watching this show the other day on how scientists help elephants and rhinos reproduce in captivity. According to scientist Robert Hermes who has a wonderful accent that makes it comfortable when he explains, "Penile massage does not work, it's even counterproductive." You have to go through the rectum... with your whole arm! The prostate is where it's at. The TV show did an excellent job presenting this science graphically and unapologetically.
They went on to talk about how they sometimes use an anal probe that delivers electro-shocks similar to instruments used to excite human males suffering from paralysis. It occurred to me that this exactly why aliens use anal probes! They abduct male humans, stimulate our prostates, and collect the semen.
Let this be a warning. Aliens are starting a breeding program for humans. All we can do for now is hope for the best and cover our butts.
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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Chronomike = 20070604
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Transmission # = 4696782183514321540
Rotation Increment = 11:53 AM
Deconstruction
Dinosaurs are eating the house across the street from my bedroom window! There are two of them. They're bright orange with long necks that bend in the middle. One has jaws that are like pincers, the other has more of a scoop-shaped lower jaw that can hold large amounts of splintered wood and re-bar while it chews. I can hear their grunts and growls as they tear the house apart.
All week they've been grazing on buildings. On Tuesday they ate the roof off the auto shop on Roosevelt. On Wednesday they ate the three story apartment building on the corner. They ate everything but the foundation. (It's a little known fact that dinosaurs don't like the taste of cement when it's been in the ground too long.) Today, it's the pink house.
They're eating it back to front. It used to be a large run-down house that was no doubt a rental to many a student over the years. There was a large stairway in the back where kids would sit on spring evenings drinking beer. Now the house is only a sliver. You could run in the front door just like old times only to fall right back out the other side. Then the dinosaurs would get you!
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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