Transmissions 
..........Activating Directional Antenna............
..........Searching for Earth.......................
..........Earth Found!..............................
..........Synchronizing Chronometers................
Chronomike = 20090628
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Transmission # = 5996068297026915250
Rotation Increment = 4:21 PM
About
1/15/07
The other night, while watching movies with Hans, Caitlin, and Lolita, Caitlin's dog, it started snowing and hailing furiously. This was also the precise time when Lolita started tearing around the house, furiously trying to release some energy. Though it was cold and miserable out, I offered to take the dog for a quick run around the block. Little did I know the trip was going to be a bit longer.
About half way around, I decided we should take a poo break in a nice-looking bunch of bushes. I long ago had nicknamed the dog, Poop, because of the frequent need for her to. There were a few bad experiences that I wanted to preempt. We stood, shivering in the snow, waiting for the right moment to go. Lolita made several circles as if trying to find the perfect position, then looked up and asked, "Do you want to go into space?"
I should emphasize that she didn't say this with her big, puppy-dog eyes. She spoke it, very clearly and calmly.
Nevertheless, I said, "What?" She repeated the question. I watched her lips move carefully, then replied, "OK." How could I turn down a talking dog? (Later I would learn that Lolita was not a dog at all, but a race of aliens I call, Brown Barkers.)
She led the way quickly to the parking garage at Trader Joe's where she'd parked her spaceship. It looked nearly exactly like the new Nissan 350z, so no one noticed. The inside revealed obvious differences. We tore out of the garage with the recklessness of a university student, but our wheels quickly rose from the ground, and we shot off through the atmosphere.
The journey was short for traveling between stars, lasting about five hours. I'm going to skip telling you all the amazing sites we passed along the way for now, like the details of Saturn's rings, or the comet where we made a pit stop, but someday I will elaborate. For now, I'll skip ahead to the odd arrival on the Planet Mike.
We parked back in the garage at the Trader Joe's. I know that's confusing so I'll explain. We had arrived in a city called New Seattle on a planet who knows how many light years across the galaxy from Earth. At first, I thought we'd made a round trip and returned to Earth. Lolita said that wasn't the case, but didn't elaborate further. It looked identical to me. I walked her back to my house through the snow and hail. Hans and Caitlin were sitting on the couch watching the movie. "Don't say anything," Lolita said.
"What took you so long," Caitlin asked. She turned toward me to reveal that under her distinctly Caitlin hair and glasses, she had sleek grey skin and an exaggeratedly thin body. New Seattle clearly had some differences that I needed to explore.
I've been here several weeks now, and have settled in to the new but familiar routine. I've made several discoveries already about the ways of the Planet Mike. Oddities pop up now and then that I can't yet explain. I'm not sure if it's possible to return to Earth, but I'm excited to embrace this opportunity to explore a new planet that no one has ever been to before. I have a feeling I'll discover new things about myself while here too.
I've found that with only aliens as proxies for my friends, I need more outlets for being creative. I'm not sure what creations I'll end up with, but this planet certainly inspires zany ideas.
It took me awhile to figure out how to communicate with Earth, for I do miss it, but I finally got the directional antenna working. I plan to transmit stories of my findings here as often as possible to share the mysteries of this place with you.
I'd love to hear from you too! I set up several ways for you to transmit messages to me via the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. They have an antenna large enough to send transmissions all the way to me. Send pictures of home as well as messages!
Were you looking for something more meta?
ThePlanetMike.com explores the various internal and external elements that represent and create Michael Bowers by combining non-fiction writing with science-fiction imagery.
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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