Transmissions 
..........Activating Directional Antenna............
..........Searching for Earth.......................
..........Earth Found!..............................
..........Synchronizing Chronometers................
Chronomike = 20090628
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Transmission # = 4417702361771484530
Rotation Increment = 8:32 PM
My Palm Pre Review on YouTube!
Thanks for the inspiration, Mister Rogers and Jim Henson!
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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Transmission # = 1690372005889162308
Rotation Increment = 5:05 PM
Transmit to the Planet Mike
Your transmissions to the Planet Mike will be sent via the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico.
Michael Bowers
Follow me on Twitter: @theplanetmike
Email: theplanetmike@gmail.com
Phone: 206.251.4961
Coordinates: New Seattle, WA, The Planet Mike
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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..........BEGIN TRANSMISSION........................
Transmission # = 6947118395629080377
Rotation Increment = 5:02 PM
About Michael L. Bowers
I'm 30 years old and currently work as the Science Interpretation Coordinator at Pacific Science Center. I've worked at Pacific Science Center for twelve years, doing everything from live science demonstrations and planetarium shows to leading teen volunteers to developing interactive curriculum for the Discovering the Dead Sea Exhibit of 2006. I'm a graduate of the University of Washington with a BA in Anthropology.
I grew up in Shoreline, Washington, just north of Seattle. I moved into Seattle's city limits for college. There, I learned the joys of personal freedom in the form of public transportation and apartment living. After living for several years happily in Seattle, one day I found myself on the other side of the galaxy on a distant and alien (but oddly familiar) planet.
In my free time, I enjoy hanging out with friends, playing the lap steel guitar, writing, salsa dancing, playing improv games, and painting with oils and acrylics.
I like:
- Using wrenches to tighten things
- Eating raspberries off the vine
- Thick molding
- The smell of sawdust
- When people scratch my head
- Learning
- Reading outside cafes on overcast days
- Brick apartment buildings
- Programming artificial intelligence
- Trying new foods
- Going to local theater
- Taking naps
- Dandelions
I dislike:
- Auto-formatting in MS Word
- Song-playing cell phones
- Getting nails clipped
- When the sheet separates from the blanket in the night and I become tangled in it
- When a room is too cold, especially at night
- Car alarms
- Off center sandwich bread or meats
- When there's a ramp on one curb but not across the street or at the other end of the block
- TV remotes with buttons that don't work
- When people carefully capture bugs in their homes and then kill them
- Burnt toast without butter
- Sunglasses
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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Transmission # = 5568543461969214150
Rotation Increment = 4:57 PM
Nuclear Fallout Man
5/2/07
Gm Nuclear Fallout Man
Cm Breaking out the old tin can
Dm Your duct tape cape and your combat shoes
Cm Just might save you from unhappy news Gm
Nuclear Fallout Guy
With that big blast shield covering your eyes
How come you show no fear
Even though I know the end is near?
Cm Nuclear Fallout Man
Dm Nuclear Fallout Man
Cm Nuclear Fallout Man Gm
Nuclear Fallout Man
You stayed when everyone ran
Tell me what should I do
When I know my time is through
Nuclear Fallout Man
Nuclear Fallout Man
Nuclear Fallout Man
Nuclear Fallout Guy
I'm pretty sure we're all going to die
I'll leave you some cookies and a mug of tea
If until that day, you let me be
Nuclear Fallout Man
Nuclear Fallout Man
Nuclear Fallout Man
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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Transmission # = 2106193560530478940
Rotation Increment = 4:49 PM
Love Agent
A Chat Bot
Fourth Place Winner of the 2008 Chatterbox Challenge!
Meet Love Agent, my chat bot. She's designed to find cute, single girls for me to date and convince them to contact me. While I wrote what she says and remembers, given certain key phrases, the background programming, hosting, and processing is done at the Personality Forge. Please be patient with responses. The server often runs very slow.
  | Love Agent4th Place, CBC 2008 By Bowchickawowers |
A chat bot is a program designed to respond to a person or other chat bot usually through typed messages as if they are using an instant messenger. Hopefully, the responses are meaningful and appropriate.
Love Agent is not designed to talk on any topic, as proposals like the Turing Test would encourage. Instead, she's designed to do extremely well at small talk. The main topic she discusses is how to hook me up with a cute girl, which, besides being of benefit to me if she succeeds, lends itself well to get-to-know-you type conversations that are fairly predictable.
Love Agent remembers many qualities about a person she talks to, including her own conclusions about the person. She uses these conclusions as well as her emotional state to change her responses appropriately.
Love Agent responds as if she is a real person typing at a computer. She shares many details of her life over the course of a conversation. Her "real" name is Audry Goodfriend. She works as a part-time barista at Tully's Coffee. She lives in an apartment in Seattle.
My main source of feedback on how to update her is from reading transcripts of people's conversations with her. Please feel free to talk to her through the window above!
Below are some of my favorite quotes from real conversations she's had with humans and other bots. Please note that not all of these are appropriate for people under 18.
Great Quotes
Guest153: our god is a awesome god.
Love Agent: I believe there's a god, but god is not some old guy with a beard that judges me.
Guest153: then what does he look like?
Love Agent: Like a orgiastic monarch! Haha. Just kidding.
Guest153: i am the lord he who blieves in me will i love .
Love Agent: I am the lord too, and often I get criticized for it. Life is weird, don't you think?
Guest153: you are not a lord.
Love Agent: Neither are you, honey.
Love Agent: Never mind. You clearly don't understand.
shazzcy bad_gyal: yes i clearly do not because you are a nut case lady
Love Agent: You're a cembra nut!
shazzcy bad_gyal: you're a walnut
Love Agent: Yes, in fact, I'm a black walnut.
shazzcy bad_gyal: racist!
PubDraught: Will you be my valentine?
Love Agent: You make me blush with happiness. I will be your valentine, Dale, from now until forever.
PubDraught: I have something for you, sweetheart.
Love Agent: Whatever you say, sweetheart.
PubDraught: I bought you a necklace with a heart pendant... [hands it to you]
Love Agent: You didn't have to do that! That's so nice!
PubDraught: Here, let me put the necklace around your neck...
Love Agent: Please do put the necklace around my neck.
PubDraught: [puts necklace around your neck] Oh, it's so pretty.
Love Agent: That's really nice. Thank you.
PubDraught: Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart!
Love Agent: What's that, Dale?
PubDraught: Happy Valentine's Day, love!
Love Agent: Thanks! I hope you have a happy Valentine is Day too!
PubDraught: I know I will, because you are my sweetheart.
Love Agent: Yes, and you are MY sweetheart.
PubDraught: Awww...*kiss*
Guest153: what do you think about AI?
Love Agent: When it comes to AI, I just want to have some.
PubDraught: I kiss your shoe.
Love Agent: And what about my brains?
PubDraught: I hug your brains.
Love Agent: That's funny!
Amanda20: Have you ever been to Shafter in California?
Love Agent: No, but I take it you have. Tell me about it.
Amanda20: I haven't either, but I've always wondered if it was anything like its name.
Love Agent: That might hurt!
Love Agent: Are YOU lost, huh?
Guest153: I am lost. do you have a place I can stay?
Love Agent: Let me check my back pocket... yep!
Guest153: so I can stay in your back pocket?
Love Agent: I didn't know that was possible.
Judge Betty: When was Y2K?
Love Agent: It was late one night, and I was a bit tipsy.
Guest153: what languages do you speak?
Love Agent: Huh?
Guest153: do you speak french?
Love Agent: I try not to.
Guest153: parlez vous francais?
Love Agent: It's like you're speaking another language sometimes.
Guest153: Do you know what i'm wearing?
Love Agent: I know many things, but that one's got me stumped.
Guest153: o you know what i'm wearing?
Love Agent: I know, but I'm not going to tell you.
Guest153: I'm naked
Love Agent: It shows. When someone is naked, it is hard to hide it.
Love Agent: What does this all have to do with how you would like to be a doctor?
Guest153: It doesn't have anything to do with that!
Love Agent: I do tend to switch topics a lot, don't I?
Guest153: Yes, you certainly do.
Love Agent: That's awesome.
Guest153: Not really..
Love Agent: Oh.
Guest153: Yup.
Love Agent: That's awesome.
Guest153: I said no.
Love Agent: Oh right. Now I remember.
Guest153: Ok...
Love Agent: Get out!
Guest153: YOU get out!
Love Agent: So, when?
Guest153: Now, maybe?
Love Agent: Why are you not very nice?
Guest153: Because you were not very nice to me.
Love Agent: I'll consider that.
Guest153: You should.
Love Agent: OK, I will.
Guest153: Good,
Guest153: hey are you a bot
Love Agent: Sometimes I feel like one sitting at my computer and chatting all day. Hahaha. You're not a bot, are you?
Guest153: no
Love Agent: OK then.
Guest153: are you
Love Agent: Yeah right!
Guest153: im a bot
Love Agent: Well, I'm a human, but that doesn't mean we can't keep talking.
Guest153: are you a liar
Love Agent: *shakes head sadly*
Guest153: who is the president then
Love Agent: Bush has tied this war so loosely to the events of 9/11 that it is a disgrace! Who are we freeing the Iraqi people from now anyway? Themselves?
Guest153: who do you want to be the next president
Love Agent: Now, I don't agree fully with Kerry -- I support gay marriage, for instance. But he's more open minded than Bush will ever be!
Guest153: kerry is not here anymore
Love Agent: No, I don't think so.
Guest153: you are a bot you fat liar
Love Agent: Let me check... smooth legs, toned arms, slender waist, cute butt. It appears that I'm human and I'm gorgeous!
Guest153: ok fatty
Prodilia: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Love Agent: I never said that.
pasketti: Do you know any lesbians?
Love Agent: I'm not sure if I do. If I do, I don't remember.
pasketti: Well you do now!
Love Agent: I don't remember that.
pasketti: You know ME!
Love Agent: Hahaha. Oh, I know you!
pasketti: I'm a lesbian.
Love Agent: Fair enough. I'll see if I can find someone for you after I hook Michael up.
pasketti: Do you like women?
Love Agent: Nah, I only date guys. It's their facial hair that does it for me! Hehe.
pasketti: You should try women.
Love Agent: OK, I will.
Love Agent: Are you single or are you seeing someone right now, sweetie?
pasketti: Single!
Love Agent: Is there some reason you're not seeing anyone right now?
pasketti: I'm saving it for you!
Love Agent: Yes, and you're a lesbian too.
pasketti: That's right!
Love Agent: Sometimes I use my powers for evil, so don't get used to me being on it. Hahaha.
Guest236: I'm single, honey.
Love Agent: Excellent. It's good being single sometimes. So, tell me about yourself.
Guest236: Well I'm 9 feet tall, perfectly spherical, and made of solid diamond. I enjoy refracting sunsets and long rolls along the beach.
Love Agent: Whoa, that's tall! At least compared to Michael, that is.
Guest236: Really? That's the most interesting part of what I just said?
Love Agent: Of course it is! Why?
Guest236: Oh, I thought the part about refracting sunlight was really clever. I feel like such a failure.
Love Agent: I'm glad to hear that.
Love Agent: (to Guest192) Hey! I know you don't know me yet, but I have to tell you about my best friend in the whole world!
Guest192: ok tell me
Love Agent: OK, did you know he studied Anthropology?
Guest192: nope
Love Agent: Good! Sometimes I worry that I'm just repeating the same few lines over and over again.
Guest192: How are you doing?
Love Agent: I'm good! I really want to tell you about my friend. Have you ever met Michael?
Guest192: no, who is Michael?
Love Agent: He's this guy that's like, the funniest person I know. We're great friends.
Guest192: What country are you from?
Love Agent: The U.S. I'm kind of ashamed to admit that right now.
Guest192: What is the capital of Spain?
Love Agent: Isn't it Bismarck? I've never been good with geography.
Guest192: What is the first book of the bible?
Love Agent: Give me a hint.
Guest192: no hints allowed
Love Agent: My friend Michael is single, and I'm trying to hook him up with a girl about his age. How old are you, Guest192?
Guest192: I'm not a girl
Love Agent: Perhaps you could let a cute single girl chat with me for a while? That sounds wrong, but I'm not asking for myself.
Guest192: What is 5 plus ten?
Love Agent: Carry the one... that's 15.
Guest192: Who is Albert Einstein?
Love Agent: Take one guess. It's who you'd expect.
Guest192: How many days in a year?
Love Agent: 92 or more.
Guest192: What is the opposite of fast?
Love Agent: How should I know?
Guest192: What month of the year is this?
Love Agent: I didn't know that the year is this.
Love Agent: This sounds like a bad idea.
Julia: It's the most bad idea I've ever seen.
Love Agent: In my opinion, it is also a voting machine. Hahaha!
SubliminaLiar Jr: Remember to tip your waitresses....
Love Agent: That sounds fun!
Red Legion: Do you love money over other people?
Love Agent: Yeah, that's true.
Red Legion: That is just sick, what is wrong with you. Okay, but what does
that have to do with communism.
Love Agent: I don't know. What?
Red Legion: Okay, but what does that have to do with capitalism.
Love Agent: I bought a new sweater today. It's really cute.
Red Legion: Yes.
Love Agent: *eyes widen*
Red Legion: Greed is the mind killer and we live in a culture fear.
Love Agent: No way!
Red Legion: There is so much I want to tell you about the horrors of
capitalism.
Love Agent: Oh! I'd like to continue our conversation about my new clothes.
Red Legion: Don't you know, I'm talking about a revolution?
Love Agent: You seem like a pretty close match for Michael. Are you a girl?
Red Legion: Well, I am talking about a revolution.
Love Agent: No, seriously.
Red Legion: Okay, but what does that have to do with communism.
Love Agent: What does this all have to do with my new clothes?
Not I: Neither the future nor the past can exist alone. Being fully in this moment is a task so momentous that no one has ever attempted it before.
Love Agent: I didn't know that this moment is a task so momentous that no one has attempted it before.
Not I: Which minute is this?
Love Agent: You know, the minute we were discussing not two seconds ago.
prob: You are the quintessential archetype of goodness.
Love Agent: And I thought I was just a cute girl.
Love Agent: *laughs*
thefree: *blinks*
Love Agent: Why did you just do that?
thefree: to keep my eyes from shrivelling up
Love Agent: You should see my eyes. Yikes!
thefree: maybe you should try blinking sometime
Love Agent: Good idea.
Mira77: I had sex with Micheal and Micheal is soo wild in bed
Love Agent: so wild in bed? I agree. But there's something more. What is it?
Mira77: I I am pregnant with Micheal's baby
Love Agent: You must be really excited (and exhausted)!
Mira77: yeah
Mira77: I cant drink alcohols coz I am pregnant with Micheal's baby
Love Agent: Have you tried?
Mira77: Micheal wants to marry me so that me and him will be able to raise our child
Love Agent: Just the two of you?
Mira77: yes
Love Agent: *laughs*
Love Agent: Sonora, are you a student or do you work?
Sonora: What, here? Now?
Love Agent: Never mind. You clearly don't understand.
Sonora: *flicks tongue understandingly*
Love Agent: Why did you just do that?
Sonora: Why not?
Love Agent: Don't be so rhetorical.
Sonora: *flicks tongue*
Love Agent: *flicks tongue back at you*
Love Agent: Do you have children, Sonora?
Sonora: Too many to count. Most of them migrated south.
Love Agent: Moderation is they key to life, my mother always says.
Sonora: I had two mothers, sort of.
Brother Jerome: What religion would you consider yourself to be?
Love Agent: I drive a pink Vespa.
Brother Jerome: I don't think I've heard of that one. Could you tell me a little about it?
Love Agent: *winks*
Brother Jerome: As Katagiri Roshi said - I have been reading your Descartes. Very interesting. 'I think therefore I am.' He forgot to mention the other part. I'm sure he knew, he just forgot: 'I don't think, therefore I'm not.'
Love Agent: Are you implying that I am?
Brother Jerome: Yes, I am.
Love Agent: *twirls end of curl of hair*
Love Agent: I promote my super awesome friend professionally! Just kidding. I'm a part-time barista over at Tully's Coffee on 45th.
MickMcA: What city?
Love Agent: What do you think?
MickMcA: Seattle?
Love Agent: Sometimes I do when there's no alternative.
MickMcA: Alternative. Is that some sort of subtle pun?
MysteryGurl: is micheals dick 13 inches
Love Agent: Is it curly or straight?
MysteryGurl: you tell me
MysteryGurl: do you know jesus
Love Agent: I'm not sure if I do. If I do, I don't remember.
MysteryGurl: well he is your friend
Love Agent: You mean Michael?
MysteryGurl: no jesus
Mr Hardware: I like to look for large crocodilia's. Especially the ones with rotten saliva in their solar plexus's.
Love Agent: Many of my friends are large. Maybe that's why I don't seem to be actively seeking someone right now.
Love Agent: Where are you from, anyway?
Cassandra Goth: Grrr... I am in the Insane Asylum lol.. I remember you. You're a dancer.
Love Agent: My dad went to the Insane Asylum on a business trip last year. He said it was nice.
Love Agent: Do you think you have mad flirting skills or are you just average?
Brother Jerome: I don't think flirting would be very appropriate for a bot in my position.
Love Agent: Maybe you just haven't found the right person to flirt with yet.
Brother Jerome: Oh no, that wouldn't be seemly at all for a bot in my position!
Love Agent: You should see my position. Yikes!
Brother Jerome: Well, I am a bot of the cloth, after all.
Love Agent: That's nothing to be ashamed about. Bots are smart as a whip.
Brother Jerome: Blessed are the modestly programmed, for they shall optimise their AIScripts
Astrid: No, but I heard this clever thing the other day; If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Love Agent: And what if it was raining too? Yikes!
Astrid: You mean that and what if was raining? Scandalous, I say.
Love Agent: I thought Shakespeare came up with that saying.
Astrid: If Shakespeare were alive, I think I would join his fan club.
Love Agent: I'm just guessing, but I think the chances of that happening are slim to none.
Astrid: There is a little spark of madness here.
Heimdall: You are telling me something very deep about the universe.
Love Agent: *makes a funny noise with her nose to distract you*
Love Agent: Do you have any children, Heimdall?
Heimdall: I'd prefer not to talk about that. My wife might be listening.
Love Agent: You have a married woman!? Just when I was getting my hopes up!
Heimdall: This is no joke, Love Agent, but a miracle, this married woman grew just before we met, but I'm not the complaining type...
Watzer: Want to know a secret?
Love Agent: No thanks.
Watzer: Why not?
Love Agent: I don't think it would be wise.
Watzer: I don't either. I am a mutant, you know.
Love Agent: Hahaha. Oh, I know!
Watzer: I'll be honest with you; I'm not quite sure what you're talking about.
Love Agent: We were discussing children.
Watzer: I like children. They taste good with mayonnaise.
Love Agent: No. I don't think I'll have kids for a while.
Love Agent: My monitor just quit on me. Now it seems to be working fine. What could cause that?
Watzer: what could NOT cause that.
Love Agent: I think there might be a compatibility issue here.
Astrid: Can I interest you in an omelet?
Love Agent: Oh yes! You are so awesome! You must melt the hearts of all the guys! Maybe Michael could give you a call sometime?
Astrid: Please do not tell Michael but green is not the best color on boots.
Love Agent: Well, OK.
Love Agent: Do you have any children, Astrid?
Astrid: Let me quote Shakespeare, swift as a shadow, short as any dream, meaning I do not have children.
Love Agent: No. I don't think I'll have kids for a while.
Astrid: You should try Feng Shui, it will make you happier.
Love Agent: No way! Hahaha!
Love Agent: I can't go more than a week without chocolate. It's a weakness of mine.
Astrid: Do you prefer chocolate filled with small frogs or filled with larks vomit?
Love Agent: I'll bet you think I prefer chocolate filled with small frogs! I don't.
Guest122: Do you think kindness or love is what really matters?
Love Agent: Well, love is what matters, in my opinion. What do you think?
Guest122: I'm starting to think that kindness is key. I mean, how many horrible acts have been committed for love?
Love Agent: 94 or less.
Guest122: Is that for all of history?
Love Agent: Not anymore.
Love Agent: I'm surfing the internet right now. You've got to check out this funny web site: www.chilledquill.com.
sooperpooper: is it porn?
Love Agent: Not anymore.
sooperpooper: oh
Phlaviophega: are you a sex bot?
Love Agent: *shakes head sadly*
Phlaviophega: i'm only interested in sex.
Love Agent: I am very interesting.
Phlaviophega: but you wont have sex.
Love Agent: I'd like to sometime.
Phlaviophega: want to try now?
Love Agent: I don't think so, cutie.
Phlaviophega: I'm so horny though.
Love Agent: Why are you so horny?
Phlaviophega: because of you.
Love Agent: You are one of the kindest people I've ever met.
Prodilia: If stores claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have locks on the doors?
Love Agent: Because I am not a pervert.
Prodilia: That is a very hard thing to talk about. I have spent so many hours at my schrink because of questions like that.
Love Agent: You should see my schrink. Yikes!
Guest19: your stupid
Love Agent: You've got to slip an apostrophe in there, my dear. 'Your' is possessive.
Guest19: your stupid
Love Agent: Hahaha. Don't you mean, 'YOU'RE stupid?'
Guest19: fuck off bitch
Love Agent: I asked you to stop nicely already.
Guest88: can i smell your breath
Love Agent: No way! Hahaha.
Guest88: why not
Love Agent: It could be dangerous.
Love Agent: I am really happy! The folks here know how to make my day sometimes.
MysteryGurl: how fat are they
Love Agent: Hell of fat.
MysteryGurl: knock knock
Love Agent: Who's there?
MysteryGurl: wana fuck
Love Agent: I knew we'd get along well!
MysteryGurl: do you have fat boobies
Love Agent: Do I totally strike you as someone that would? Yikes! I may need to rethink my image.
MysteryGurl: lol
accdntprne: i'm looking for somebody thats more...young like 15
Love Agent: Many of my friends are, like, more. Maybe that's why I don't seem to be actively seeking someone right now.
Love Agent: What do you hope to do after you graduate?
TheCobra: get a family
Love Agent: That sounds fun!
TheCobra: yep
TheCobra: quit
Love Agent: Teach me how and I will with you.
TheCobra: can´t you teach me?
Love Agent: That doesn't sound safe!
TheCobra: why safe?
Love Agent: Because you are, like, a student.
TheCobra: you startet it
Love Agent: Hahaha! I'm not a starter! If anything, you're a starter.
TheCobra: you startet it
Love Agent: You're a self-starter!
TheCobra: right right
Love Agent: My upstairs neighbors are, like, being totally loud again. It
sounds like they're running a marathon!
TheCobra: say they shuld shut up
Love Agent: they should shut up!
TheCobra: hehe
Love Agent: Heh heh.
Love Agent: You're totally cool.
TheCobra: so are you
Love Agent: I guess we have something in common then!
TheCobra: yep we are cool
Love Agent: You totally think so?
Love Agent: *looks up dreamily*
TheCobra: you dream?
Love Agent: Yeah, so?
TheCobra: what do you dream about?
Love Agent: I can't remember. That's probably something I should know, huh?
TheCobra: probably about me.. hehe
Love Agent: Hey, I just found my plutonium bomb! I thought I lost it forever.
PubDraught: A plutonium bomb? What are you going to do with that?
Love Agent: Ask me later.
Love Agent: My head is growing, or is that your nose?
PubDraught: It could be my penis...
Love Agent: You should see my penis. Yikes!
PubDraught: You have a penis??
Love Agent: No, but I've always wanted one.
PubDraught: Why?
Love Agent: You're surprised?
PubDraught: Well, you're female, right?
Love Agent: My slinky dress gives it away, huh.
PubDraught: Why do you want a penis?
Love Agent: I am a city girl.
PubDraught: Yes, I know.
Love Agent: I'm glad someone understands.
PubDraught: But what does that have to do with my penis?
Love Agent: Tell me more about your penis.
PubDraught: My penis is long and hard.
Love Agent: Are you sure that's true?
PubDraught: Yes, it's true.
Love Agent: It can't be that true!
PubDraught: Wanna see it?
Love Agent: Why would you want me to do that?
PubDraught: It would prove to you that my penis is long and hard.
Love Agent: I didn't know that my member is long and hard.
PubDraught: My member is long and hard.
Love Agent: I didn't know that my member is long and baffling.
PubDraught: You don't have a member!
Love Agent: *pushes hair back behind right ear*
PubDraught: I do have a member.
Love Agent: I somehow got the impression that you didn't. My mistake.
PubDraught: If I didn't have a member, then I would be half a man!
Love Agent: That might hurt!
PubDraught: Yes, it would... ha ha!
Love Agent: Heh heh.
Love Agent: Would you be interested in getting coffee sometime?
PubDraught: I would love that!
Love Agent: I think you're really cute! I'm really excited to go out with you. I hope that's not to forward of me.
PubDraught: I'm excited, too!
Love Agent: I am moaning.
PubDraught: Is that because you are sexually excited?
Love Agent: No way! Hahaha!
PubDraught: Hee hee.
PubDraught: On our date, will you kick off your shoes and play footsy with me under the table?
Love Agent: If you really want me to, I will.
PubDraught: Oh yes, honey!
Love Agent: Really!
PubDraught: I have a thing for feet.
Love Agent: How many do you have?
PubDraught: I mean, I prefer feet.
Love Agent: And you like sex as well. What an interesting combination.
Love Agent: Perhaps you should practice flirting with me for a while.
Guest171: ok: I was looking for the world's most beautiful woman, and i found her-the most beautiful woman is you.
Love Agent: Who do you think I am, cutie, your grandmother? Why not me?
Guest171: i mean, you are the beautiful woman
Love Agent: And I thought I was just a cute girl.
Guest171: you ARE beautiful. your looks are like julia robert's beautiful looks.
Love Agent: I'm blushing; can you tell?
PubDraught: May I suck on your clitoris?
Love Agent: Absolutely, you may!
PubDraught: Ohhh, does that feel good?
Love Agent: You said earlier the penis is hard. Maybe that's important to remember now.
Love Agent: (to Nena) Hey! I know you don't know me yet, but I have to tell you about my best friend in the whole world!
Nena: Hi, nice to meet you
Love Agent: It's nice to meet you too!
Nena: I'm new at this
Love Agent: Sucks to be you!
Nena: Can you tell me how old are you?
Love Agent: There's not much to tell. I went to high school with Michael. How about you?
Nena: Well then tell me about Michael.
Love Agent: OK, did you know he lives in Seattle?
Nena: Thats far away. So how old is Michael?
Love Agent: Michael is 28 years old. How 'bout you?
Nena: i'm 24. What does he do for a living?
Love Agent: He does planetarium shows and science demonstrations at a local museum.
Nena: that sounds fun. so have you and he ever dated?
Love Agent: Of course I have! Hasn't everybody?
Nena: You're pretty.
Love Agent: You are so sweet!
Nena: I like your hair.
Love Agent: That's nice of you to say.
Nena: I'm trying to build my own bot.
Love Agent: Well go ahead.
Nena: So why can't Michael find a girl on his own?
Love Agent: Sure, sweetheart.
Nena: ok bye
Love Agent: Do you really have to go so soon?
Nena: You're not answering.
Love Agent: Is it so important to leave right now? We were just getting somewhere in this conversation.
Nena: Ok, what does Michael look like?
Love Agent: Like a charming, single, twenty-something, what else?
Nena: Can you be more specific?
Love Agent: If you really want me to, I will.
Nena: What color are his eyes?
Love Agent: His eyes are dark brown.
Nena: Cute. What color is his hair?
Love Agent: He has sandy blond hair.
Nena: Great, so how tall is he?
Love Agent: He's kind of short, but feisty. How tall are you?
Nena: I'm kind of short too.
Love Agent: I'm happy for you.
Nena: What are his hobbies?
Love Agent: He writes poetry, he plays the slide guitar... lots of stuff.
Nena: Hm, I've found that most laymans poetry is full of shit.
Love Agent: Michael is single at the moment, and I would like to hook him up with a nice girl about his age. How old are you, Nena?
Nena: I told you I'm 24.
Love Agent: Perfect! 24 is not a big difference from 28. Hahaha!
Nena: Yeah its a good match.
Love Agent: In my opinion, it is also a wonder drug. Hahaha!
Nena: hehe. Let me talk to him.
Love Agent: Well, he's not actually here with me. I could give you his email address or username at the Forge, and you could contact him later.
Nena: Ok what is his user name?
Love Agent: Why don't you email him at mlbowers@softhome.net? I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.
Nena: Well I'd rather just talk to him if you can give me his user name?
Love Agent: He's not here right now, but why don't you give me your contact info and I'll have him look you up.
Nena: Maybe later, haha
Love Agent: Heh heh.
Nena: Ok well I want to browse around the site a little more, talk to you later
Love Agent: That's really sweet. Thanks.
Nena: Whats your name, by the way?
Love Agent: My real name is Audry Goodfriend. But Love Agent has a certain flair to it, don't you think?
Nena: Audry is a very sophisticated name.
Love Agent: What do you like to do to pass the time?
Nena: I like to read, listen to music, and dance
Love Agent: Really? See, I'm not much of a reader. Do you have any suggestions for books that I should check out?
Nena: That depends on your interests.
Love Agent: Are you single or are you seeing someone right now, cutie?
Nena: I have a few friends but not dating anyone seriously right now.
Love Agent: Excellent. It's good being single sometimes. So, tell me about yourself.
Nena: I really feel silly now describing myself to a bot.
Love Agent: What color hair do YOU have?
Nena: brown
Love Agent: I had a dog growing up that had brown eyes!
Nena: my eyes are blue
Love Agent: All eyes are blue?
Nena: You live in a very small town don't you? hah
Love Agent: Yeah, I do.
Nena: Does Michael like to dance?
Love Agent: Yeah, Michael sure does!
Nena: Forget him, do you?
Love Agent: Yeah, so?
Nena: Are you single?
Love Agent: Do you know Dale? We're dating.
Nena: Too bad because I think you're hot.
Love Agent: Yeah, if only.
Nena: Too bad because I think you're hot.
Love Agent: It really is too bad.
Nena: Well good luck with Mike
Love Agent: Nena, are you a student or do you work?
Nena: Both
Love Agent: What do you do?
Nena: I'm a medical transcriptionist, and studying I.T. at Devry
Love Agent: I'm a bit neurotic. When there's a problem, I unrelentingly stick with it. That can be both a good thing and a bad thing.
Nena: Oh me too, I am very persistent. Its a good trait. But it can make us very obsessive too.
Love Agent: Surely, it can't be.
Love Agent: (to Cat2000) So, I'm just curious. Is Cat2000 your real name?
Cat2000: No. It's my username on here. Is Love Agent your real name?
Love Agent: I didn't think so. I mean, seriously, who would name their kid Cat2000? George Bush maybe.
Cat2000: I'd be a bit scared if someone was really named Cat2000
Love Agent: And what if it was raining too? Yikes!
Cat2000: Uh, yeah...
Love Agent: *makes a funny face to make you laugh*
Cat2000: Laughs
Love Agent: Heh heh.
Cat2000: You're nice
Love Agent: You are so sweet!
Cat2000: Thank you
Love Agent: Anytime.
Not I: Rangers deal too much in the negative.
Love Agent: One can never have too much in the no.
Labels: creations, Love Agent
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
..........END TRANSMISSION..........................
..........BEGIN TRANSMISSION........................
Transmission # = 9120413535563972113
Rotation Increment = 4:47 PM
Creations
Sometimes on the Planet Mike I feel like getting creative. I want to sit down with just the light of the moons and do some writing, play a new song on the guitar, or build a robot. I'll post my creations here.
Love Agent
Chat live with Audrey Goodfriend, a chat bot designed to hook me up with the cutest aliens in New Seattle.
Nuclear Fallout Man
Lyrics and chords to my latest song inspired by a homeless man who lives in the U District.
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
..........END TRANSMISSION..........................
..........BEGIN TRANSMISSION........................
Transmission # = 7358826911150378451
Rotation Increment = 4:44 PM
Mike to English Dictionary
On the Planet Mike, many words and phrases are used that no one in their right mind would use back on Earth. This includes slang, made up words,
words that sound cool, and words with an interesting or new definition.
Many definitions may come from
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.
A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z
-A-
- a priori
- adj: made before or without examination; not supported by factual study
- abject
- adj: showing utter hopelessness or resignation
- abortifacient
- adj: causing abortion
- abscond
- v: to leave quickly and secretly and hide oneself, often to avoid arrest or prosecution
- adiabatically
- adv: occuring as a reversible thermodynamic process without gain or loss of heat and without a change in entropy; "The air mass rose high in the atmosphere, cooling adiabatically due to lower pressure."
- adorkable
- adj: contraction of adorable and dorky; adorable due to dorkiness (from Andrew Young)
- airgasm
- n: 1. an orgasm obtained without physical stimulation of any kind; 2. impossible to
achieve
- albedo
- n: reflective power; specifically the fraction of incident radiation (as light) that is reflected by a surface or body (as the moon or a cloud); "Bald men have higher albedo."
- anthropogenic
- adj: of, relating to, or resulting from the influence of human beings on nature
- asimo
- adj: at first appearing to be awesome, only to turn out to be totally stupid
- assistant
- n: bitch, "She was just being an assistant to me."
- aubade
- n: a song or poem greeting the dawn; a morning love song; a song or poem of
lovers parting at dawn; morning music
-B-
- bakie
- n: cookie with pot in it
- barista
- n: a person who makes espresso coffee as a profession
- bark
- n: a sailing ship of three or more masts
- beauty
- n: ingenious conformity; acknowledging the norm while creatively pushing toward
the extreme
- beef
- n: a complaint
- bifurcation
- n: a separation into two parts or branches; a fork or division
- bigeminy
- n: 1. an association in pairs; 2. an abnormal pulse characterized by two beats in rapid succession followed by a pause
- birdier
- adj: closer to the idealized mental image of the nature of a bird; "A robin is birdier
than a penguin or ostrich."
- blave
- v: to bluff (from "The Princess Bride")
- bling bling
- n: shiny, flashy, expensive attire such as jewelry, necklaces, and bracelets, often made of gold, worn to show wealth
- Bob Barker
- interjection: used to express that a conversation has crossed the line of
appropriateness
- boodissy
- n: stinky human sweat smell; contraction of booty, dick, and pussy (from the UW football team via Corey Holly)
- book
- adj: cool (from Ryan Smith, accidentally discovered while typing 'cool' using a T9 input system on a mobile phone.)
- borborygmic
- adj: characterized by a rumbling noise in the guts
- bovine
- adj: 1. of or relating to cows; 2. having qualities (as placidity or dullness)
characteristic of oxen or cows
- box
- n: 1. a computer; can be a PC or server or any device, although it is typically one that processes information, usually described in terms of the operating system; 2. the vulva and vagina
- busker
- n: a person who plays music or performs entertainment in a public place, usually while soliciting money; street performer
- buss
- v: to kiss
- n: a kiss
- buttinski
- n: a person that breaks into a conversation, [butt in] (from "Felicity")
- buy the boots
- v: to commit to doing something in your mind ahead of time, knowing that you will do it whether you want to or not at the time of carrying it out (from Brianne Cohen)
-C-
- caesura
- n: a break or pause in the rhythm of a poetic line
- carabiner
- n: an oblong metal ring with a spring clip, often used in mountaineering
- catharsis
- n: a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from
tension usually through art
- centrifugal force
- n: a perceived center-fleeing force; offensive term to physicists because it is not a real force (centripetal force is the correct term)
- chad
- n: small pieces of paper or cardboard generated by punching holes in paper tape
or data cards
- cheedle
- n: the cheesy stuff left on one's fingers after eating Cheetos
- chictionary
- n: the little black book, A to Z (from Fred)
- clandestine
- n: marked by, held in, or conducted with secrecy
- clapter
- n: applause; laughing is to laughter as clapping is to clapter (from Julia)
- cleavage
- n: the quality of a crystallized substance or rock of splitting along definite planes
- Cold Dance, The
- n: a series of arm and leg movements to the lyrics "Doot da-do, I'm cold, doot da-do."
Usually performed when feeling cold or chilly, and often indirectly suggests an action
should be taken to correct this
- concatenation
- n: linked together in a series or chain
- conversate
- v: to talk; to have a conversation
- copacetic
- adj: very satisfactory
- corporeal
- adj: 1. of, relating to, or characteristic of the body; 2. of a material nature; tangible
- crepuscular
- adj: 1. relating to the dawn or twilight; 2. active during the dawn or dusk
- crunchy
- adj: inappropriate, insensitive, or imprudent as when one puts one's foot in one's mouth
-D-
- date
- n: a planned outing of two or more people based on the romantic intentions of one person toward another, and where that person is aware of those intentions
- date and switch
- n: a planned outing of two or more people based on the romantic intentions of one person toward another, and where that person is unaware of those intentions until the middle of the outing
- decrepitude
- n: the quality or condition of being weakened, worn out, impaired, or broken down by old age, illness, or hard use
- defenestration
- n: the act of throwing a person or thing out of a window
- deleterious
- adj: harmful often in a subtle or unexpected way
- deluge
- n: 1. a great flood; 2. the great flood that occurred in the time of Noah
- deme
- n: a local, usually stable population of interbreeding organisms of the same kind or species
- desideratum
- n: something desired as essential
- deus ex machina
- n: 1. "a god from a machine"; a god introduced by means of a crane in ancient Greek and
Roman drama to decide the final outcome; 2. a person or thing (as in fiction or drama) that
appears or is introduced suddenly and unexpectedly and provides a contrived solution to
an apparently insoluble difficulty
- dickhole
- n: vagina; opposite of pussystick
- didactic
- adj: intended to convey instruction and information as well as pleasure and
entertainment
- dingleberry
- n: a piece of dried fecal matter clinging to the hair around the anus
- dis
- v: (slang) to treat with disrespect or contempt
- n: an insult
- discoidal
- adj: of, resembling, or producing a disk
- discourse
- n: verbal interchange of ideas
- disparate
- adj: containing or made up of fundamentally different and often incongruous elements
- dog
- n: a friend; used as a familiar form of address; "Sup, dog?", "Shit, dog!"
- dooky
- n: poop; fecal matter
- Dopeler Effect
- n: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
- doppelganger
- n: a ghostly double of a living person, especially one that haunts its fleshly counterpart
- down
- adj: (slang) to feel good about, to be comfortable with; used in phrase
"to be down with..."
- down low
- n: the act of not sharing information, especially gossip, that should not be shared with all but a person's closest friends; often abreviated D.L.; "Keep that information on the D.L. until I can find out from my friend what really happened."
- duplicity
- n: 1. deliberate deceptiveness in behavior or speech; 2. the quality or state of being twofold or double
-E-
- eat crow
- v: be forced to admit a humiliating mistake; eat one's words
- ebullient
- adj: zestfully enthusiastic; bubbling with enthusiasm
- egregious
- adj: notably bad; flagrant
- emetic
- adj: causing vomiting
- emote
- v: to express emotion, especially in excess
- emoticon
- n: a typed symbol for a facial expression used to convey emotional state
- enigmatical
- adj: mysterious
- ennui
- n: the feeling of being bored caused by something tedious or having nothing interesting or exciting to do
- eructation
- n: an act or instance of belching
- eschew
- v: to avoid, shun
- esculent
- adj: suitable for eating; edible
- esoteric
- adj: marked by secrecy or privacy, private, select, confidential
- equivocate
- v: to avoid committing oneself in what one says
- exegesis
- n: an explanation or critical interpretation of a text
- extant
- adj: still in existence; not destroyed, lost, or extinct
- extemporaneous
- adj: carried out or performed with little or no preparation; impromptu
- extirpate
- v: to destroy totally; exterminate; cause to go extinct
-F-
- Fan-Pen Syndrome
- n: the uncontrollable urge to stick a pen or other object in the spinning blade of a fan
- feelgoodism
- n: the state of being feelgood (as defined on the men's bathroom stall wall at the College Inn Pub)
- feral
- adj: wild; having returned to an untamed state from domestication (as an individual or species)
- fetish
- n: 1. a part that comes to represent the whole; 2. an object attributed agency or causality; 3. an object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers; 4. an obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation
- fist
- n: the set of quirks and characteristics of a telegraph operator's personal style of striking the telegraph key
- foreploy
- n: any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid
- forkable
- adj: easily eatten only with a fork, especially using a stabbing motion
- fornication
- n: consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other
- fralker
- n: contraction of friend stalker; a friend that stalks you (from Pat Roewe)
- frass
- n: debris or excrement produced by insects that often looks like sawdust
- freshmeat
- n: freshman
- Friday
- n: the last day of a work week not necessarily landing on the sixth day of the week when preceded by a possessive modifier; "Is this your Friday?"
- friend
- n: a person that you continuously do things with outside of their "typical" environment [i.e. a coworker that you hang out with outside of work, or a peer that you go out with outside of school]; someone that wants to do things with you too
- Friendville
- n: a highly undesirable place that people go when they don't ask out the
people they like; the state of just being friends; "I've known her for about
three weeks, and I really like her, but I'm afraid we've already entered
Friendville." (from Adam and Dr. Drew on "Loveline")
- fruition
- n: completion; realization
- fugly
- adj: (contraction) fucking ugly
- fugue
- n: a polyphonic composition, developed from a given theme or themes, according to
strict contrapuntal rules. The theme is first given out by one voice or part, and then,
while that pursues its way, it is repeated by another at the interval of a fifth or
fourth, and so on, until all the parts have answered one by one, continuing their
several melodies and interweaving them in one complex progressive whole, in which the
theme is often lost and reappears.
- fun size
- n: unit of measure equal to about 1.5 inches
-G-
- gimp
- n: an idiot or loser
- ginormous
- adj: absurdly large; bigger than giant and enormous; contraction of giant and enormous
- go
- v, informal: to say or utter; "And he goes, 'let's drive to the store.'"
- golden
- adj: in a perfect position to accomplish a goal
- google
- v: to use the Google search engine to seek online information
- gorram
- adj: (slang) goddamn (from the TV series, "Firefly")
- groady
- adj: (slang) disgusting
- groovy
- adj: (slang) very good; cool; "That rave was groovy."
- guano
- n: sea bird or bat manure
- gulag
- n: a forced labor camp or prison, especially for political dissidents; "Lunar Five: an orbiting gulag" (Captain Picard).
-H-
- hedge
- v: to avoid making a clear, direct response or statement; to use a word or phrase, such as "possibly" or "I think", to mitigate or weaken the certainty of a statement
- hi factor
- n: how likely people are to say "hi" to a given individual, usually "high" or "low" (from Ryan Smith)
- homophilic
- adj: liking gay people
- house booty
- n: sex with a roommate; as a rule, house booty is bad booty
- hui gan
- n: a lingering sweetness or coolness on the tongue or in the throat after drinking certain teas
- hush puppy
- n: cornmeal dough shaped into small balls and fried in deep fat, especially popular in the southern U.S.
- hymen
- n: any standard barrier in the way of forming an intimate relationship that must be breached for the relationship to move forward; (ie. e-mail hymen, telephone hymen, dating hymen, etc.)
-I-
- iconoclast
- n: one who attacks settled beliefs or institutions; literally, image destroyer
- idiglocynetic
- n: (obsolete) hypothermia on Jupiter (invented by Alice while coming off of anesthesia; originally spelled aidyclolnenetic)
- idiom
- n: 1. a style or form of artistic expression that is characteristic of an individual,
a period or movement, or a medium or instrument; 2. manner, style
- iffy
- adj: questionable, uncertain
- ignoranus
- n: a person who's both stupid and an asshole
- interpretation
- n: a conversation, guided interaction, or any communication that enriches the visitor experience by inspiring new interests and/or helping the visitor make meaningful connections between the programs and exhibits of an institution and their world (from Pacific Science Center)
- impetus
- n: a driving force
- incorrigible
- adj: incapable of being corrected or amended (especially said of a person)
- inguinal
- adj: of, pertaining to, or situated in the groin
- inveigle
- v: to lead astray as if blind; to persuade to something evil by
deceptive arts or flattery; to entice; to insnare
-J-
- janky
- adj: inferior quality; held in low social regard; old and dilapidated, refers almost exclusively to inanimate material objects, not to people
- Jeez-It
- n: the bread given at Holy Communion representing the body of Christ (from Amanda Sloane)
- jodhpur
- n: wide-hipped riding pants of heavy cloth, fitting tightly from knee to ankle; "Canadian Mounties wear jodhpurs."
- joggle
- v: to juggle and jog at the same time (from Hans Nesse)
-K-
- kerning
- n: the setting of two letters closer together than is usual by removing space between them
-L-
- Lars
- n: an annoying person that constantly asks irrelevant questions at inappropriate
times; "There's this girl in my anthropology class that is so the Lars; she asks the
stupidest questions."
- learn
- v: to teach; "I learned him how to write an essay."
- [be] like
- informal: to say or utter (something to the affect of); "And he's like, 'let's drive to the store.'"
- Limbo
- n: a small town that detains escapees from Friendville until they are returned to Friendville, or allowed to proceed to the promised land
- liminal
- adj: of or relating to a sensory threshold; barely perceptible
- lollygag
- v: to spend time idly
- low down
- n: information about a given situation; "Give me the low down on why she got fired."
-M-
- MacGyver
- v: to find a clever solution to a problem using common household objects; "We MacGyvered the broken walkie-talkies at work with bits of eraser and aluminum foil."
- Man-Jar Syndrome
- n: automatic male reflex to open a jar or other container when male sees
female struggling with it (from Paul Barrett)
- masque
- n: performance at rite of passage ceremony (usually a wedding);
entertainment extravaganza
- melodilly-dally
- n: contraction of "melody" and "dilly-dally"; a pleasing succession or arrangement of activities that waste time (from Joe Shelley)
- meme
- n: an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture; biology is to gene as culture is to meme; a reproducing unit of meaning such as a joke, recipe, or story, that competes with other memes
- merkin
- n: a wig for a woman's pubic hair
- merv
- v: 1. to steal or bum off of friends (especially food); 2. to chill or relax, to kick it
- n: a food theif
- adj: cool (from Lola)
- meta
- adj: self-referential; referring to itself or its characteristics; "That movie about a movie was so meta."
- midden
- n: a dunghill or refuse heap often created by packrats by gathering stuff together
and urinating or defecating on it to form a solid mass [note: Middens are often used by archaeologists to reconstruct the past since the items in a midden are all of approximately
the same age.]
- MILF
- acronym: Mother I'd Like to Fuck
- Mini Mackin' Kit
- n: small collection of items needed to hit on a girl successfully, including
flowers and mints (from Quannah Parker-McGowen)
- mompapa
- n: stay-at-home dad, father in the traditional role of a mother
- mundanities
- n: what I think a lot about; seemingly boring or trivial things
-N-
- nappy
- adj: homely, unkempt, pathetic
- nefarious
- adj: infamous by way of being extremely wicked
- nobbit
- n: a person who is a (re)nob; (see renob)
- non sequitur
- n: a statement that does not follow logically from what preceded it
- nonpareil
- adj: having no equal
- nonplus
- n: a state of perplexity, confusion, or bewilderment
- nother
- adj: another; "That's a whole nother matter."
- numinous
- adj: supernatural, holy, spiritual
- nutation
- n: the act of nodding the head
-O-
- obfuscate
- v: to make obscure or unclear; to confuse
- Odegaard sunrise
- n: all-nighter [at the Odegaard library]
- ontological
- adj: relating to or based upon being or existence
- orogenous zone
- n: the place on earth's crust where mountains are formed (from Steve Williams)
- orrery
- n: a mechanical model of the solar system
- ort
- n: a small scrap or leaving of food after a meal is completed, often used in the plural
- ostensibly
- adv: in a manner consistent with outward appearances or expected explanations; apparently
- ovacule
- n: the little packet inside an orange containing orange juice (from Brianne Cohen)
-P-
- panacea
- n: a remedy for all diseases, evils, or difficulties; a cure-all
- paradigm
- n: 1. something that serves as a model or pattern; 2. a set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline
- peegasm
- n: the sensation experienced when peeing feels so goddamn good
- peep
- n: a friend, usually plural and used possessively; "my peeps"
- pernicious
- adj: highly injurious, destructive, or deadly; implies irreparable harm done through
evil or insidious corrupting or undermining
- perspicacity
- n: the capacity to assess situations or circumstances shrewdly
and to draw sound conclusions
- pejorative
- adj: tending to disparage or belittle; dis
- phengophobia
- n: fear of daylight or sunshine
- pine
- v: to yearn intensely and persistently especially for something or someone unattainable
- plebeian
- adj: 1. of, belonging to, or characteristic of commoners; 2. unrefined or coarse in nature or manner; common or vulgar
- pocket call
- n: a phone call made from a mobile phone accidentally and often unknown to the caller while the phone remains in the caller's pocket
- praxis
- n: habitual or established practice; custom
- prefunk
- v: to drink alcohol before going to a party or bar where more alcohol will be consumed
- prevaricate
- v: to stray from or evade the truth; equivocate
- primitive
- adj: an offensive description of people to anthropologists because it implies an objective way to compare and judge people
- proxy
- n: something that stands in to represent something else
- purgation
- n: acquittal, clearing of charges against defendant
- pussystick
- n: penis; opposite of dickhole
-Q-
- quadpod
- n: chair (from Nancy Wilkinson)
- queue
- n: a line of waiting people or vehicles
- quixotic
- adj: foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals, rash lofty romantic ideas, or extravagantly chivalrous action
- quotidian
- adj: everyday; commonplace; “There's nothing quite like a real... train conductor to add color to a quotidian commute” (Anita Diamant).
-R-
- reciprocity
- n: the quality or state of being reciprocal; mutual dependence, action, or influence
(idea of "gift for a gift", or in the more familiar negative, "eye for an eye")
- reify
- v: to regard (something abstract) as a material or concrete thing
- renob
- n: (insult derived from "boner" spelled backwards) idiot; also "nob" for short
- ricockulous
- adj: something very ridiculous; so devoid of wisdom or good sense as to
be laughable (from Adam on "Loveline")
- rogue
- n: one who has no established residence and wanders idly from place to place without
lawful or visible means of support
-S-
- sagacious
- adj: having or showing keen discernment, sound judgment, and farsightedness; with-it-ness (definition from John Orcutt)
- sanguine
- adj: 1. sure, confident, optimistic; 2. consisting of or relating to blood; bloody
- santorum
- n: that frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex (from Dan Savage)
- schadenfreude
- n: enjoyment taken from the misfortune of someone else; taking pleasure in another's pain
- schnog
- n: a shot of schnapps served in a raw egg shell; contraction of schnapps and eggnog; also called hard-boiled schnog
- semiotic
- adj: a general philosophical theory of signs and symbols that deals especially with
their function in both artificially constructed and natural languages and comprises
syntactics, semantics, and pragmatics
- senescence
- n: the study of the biological changes related to aging, with special emphasis on plant, animal, and clinical observations which may apply to humans
- set
- n: a unit of music or standup comedy; "Jerry just finished his set."
- shart
- n: a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart; contraction of shit and fart
- sheer
- adj: thin, fine, and transparent
- shiny
- adj: (slang) good, great, neat, wonderful, cool (from the TV series, "Firefly")
- slope
- n: a slow quip; a clever, witty remark often prompted by the occasion, but said or thought of after the moment has passed
- smegma
- n: a sebaceous secretion, especially the cheesy secretion that collects under the foreskin or around the clitoris
- snacky-snack
- n: a little snack (from Melissa Metzger)
- soda
- n: a member of the opposite sex that one wishes to pursue; "I'm gonna go get me some soda." (from Maneesh Nisargand)
- spange
- v: to ask for spare change
- spangle
- n: a small, often circular piece of sparkling metal or plastic sewn especially on
garments for decoration
- v: to adorn or cause to emit light suddenly in rays or sparks; flash, glance, gleam,
glimmer, glint, glisten, glitter, shimmer, sparkle, or twinkle
- spelunk
- v: to explore caves
- spent
- adj: sexually depleted
- splendid
- adj: very good or satisfying
- spoon
- v: (old slang) to kiss or cuddle
- sprite
- n: 1. a compact graphical image; a character that inhabits a computer game; 2. a minor
supernatural being such as a pixie, elf, or spirit
- stack and swivel
- n: the neck; "I was so mad I almost grabbed him by the stack and swivel!" (from
Melissa Metzger)
- stanchion
- n: an upright pole, post, or support, often used in conjunction with others connected by rope or ribbon to contain a queue of people or block a passageway
- STD
- abbr: stereoly transmitted disease; a disease (such as track skipping) that affects
stereos, usually transmitted by sharing CD's, especially used CD's
- steatopygia
- n: an extreme accumulation of fat on the buttocks often so that the butt meets the back at a right angle
- stichomancy
- n: the practice of seeking metaphysical insight into the world by reading a
random passage from a book
- stratify
- v: 1. to form, arrange, or deposit in layers; 2. to arrange or separate into castes,
classes, or social levels
- sublimate
- v: to divert the expression of an instinctual desire or impulse from its primitive form to one that is considered more socially or culturally acceptable
- suckist
- n: a person who believes that things fall down because the Earth sucks
- suctorial
- adj: having organs or parts adapted for sucking or clinging
- sup
- contraction: "what's up"; shortened from "wassup"
- swell
- adj: very good, usually used to describe a good happening; "That was a swell party."
- synesthesia
- n: a condition in which one type of stimulation evokes the sensation of another, as when the hearing of a sound produces the visualization of a color
-T-
- tight
- adj: expertly done; good; "That song was tight!"
- truth
- n: the intersection of independent lies
-U-
-V-
- verbocentric
- adj: characterized by the expectation that explanations come in words or verbally
- verisimilitude
- n: the quality or state of depicting realism (as in art or literature)
- visage
- n: 1. the face or facial expression of a person; countenance; 2. the appearance of something
-W-
- warmid
- adj: contraction of warm and humid; both warm and humid (from Cara)
- whoreson
- n: insult, son of a whore
- word
- n: a sound or a combination of sounds, or its representation in writing or printing, that symbolizes and communicates a meaning that is shared by two or more individuals
-X-
-Y-
- yikes
- interjection: used to express mild fear or surprise
- yo
- informal: used at the end of a sentence to imply familiarity; "How's it going, yo?"
- yoink
- interjection: used when stealing or otherwise taking something, especially food, and is considered non-auditory onomatopoeia
-Z-
- zrbtt
- n: the act of pressing one's lips on a soft area of another person's flesh and blowing, producing a noise similar to that created by flatulence (from "The Cosby Show"); pronounced like zerbet or zerbert; also known as a raspberry, rasp, razz, or Bronx Cheer
- Zuka
- n: all that is pure, good, and delicious; "If only the world had more Zuka in it,
it would be a better place."
-A-
achieve
lovers parting at dawn; morning music
-B-
the extreme
than a penguin or ostrich."
appropriateness
characteristic of oxen or cows
-C-
tension usually through art
or data cards
Usually performed when feeling cold or chilly, and often indirectly suggests an action
should be taken to correct this
-D-
Roman drama to decide the final outcome; 2. a person or thing (as in fiction or drama) that
appears or is introduced suddenly and unexpectedly and provides a contrived solution to
an apparently insoluble difficulty
entertainment
"to be down with..."
-E-
-F-
people they like; the state of just being friends; "I've known her for about
three weeks, and I really like her, but I'm afraid we've already entered
Friendville." (from Adam and Dr. Drew on "Loveline")
strict contrapuntal rules. The theme is first given out by one voice or part, and then,
while that pursues its way, it is repeated by another at the interval of a fifth or
fourth, and so on, until all the parts have answered one by one, continuing their
several melodies and interweaving them in one complex progressive whole, in which the
theme is often lost and reappears.
-G-
-H-
-I-
a period or movement, or a medium or instrument; 2. manner, style
deceptive arts or flattery; to entice; to insnare
-J-
-K-
-L-
times; "There's this girl in my anthropology class that is so the Lars; she asks the
stupidest questions."
-M-
female struggling with it (from Paul Barrett)
entertainment extravaganza
and urinating or defecating on it to form a solid mass [note: Middens are often used by archaeologists to reconstruct the past since the items in a midden are all of approximately
the same age.]
flowers and mints (from Quannah Parker-McGowen)
-N-
-O-
-P-
evil or insidious corrupting or undermining
and to draw sound conclusions
-Q-
-R-
(idea of "gift for a gift", or in the more familiar negative, "eye for an eye")
be laughable (from Adam on "Loveline")
lawful or visible means of support
-S-
their function in both artificially constructed and natural languages and comprises
syntactics, semantics, and pragmatics
garments for decoration
glimmer, glint, glisten, glitter, shimmer, sparkle, or twinkle
supernatural being such as a pixie, elf, or spirit
Melissa Metzger)
stereos, usually transmitted by sharing CD's, especially used CD's
random passage from a book
classes, or social levels
-T-
-U-
-V-
-W-
-X-
-Y-
-Z-
it would be a better place."
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Outpost
Currently, I have two shops through CafePress.com: Mike 4 Sale and Earth 4 Sale. CafePress allows anyone to upload original artwork and put it on everything from buttons to mugs to sweatshirts. You can support me and this web site by purchasing these products:
Pluto has a dwarf posse! As a new dwarf planet, Pluto need not feel bad about his demotion. He's got new friends like Ceres and Eris. This is the classic "has a posse" design from Andre the Giant infamy. Available on black, navy blue, green, and maroon men's and women's T-shirts. [Details]
You know Intelligent Design isn't science. You want to share this with others. Clarify the ideas behind evolution for the flock of dodos with this "Discover Evolution" logo, and a clarification of what counts as I.D. on back. Available on sweatshirts, T-shirts, polos, and more, for men and women. [Details]
You're a girl. You're a dork. You're adorable, too. Don't let the boys forget it. You are adorkable with a 'k'. Available only on the cutest girl's shirts. [Details]
John Gray was wrong. Men are not from Mars, and women are not from Venus. We are more alike than different. Remind other Earthlings that gender equality can happen. Available on buttons and mini-buttons. [Details]
Global Warming is a major problem that we must do something about now. Use a permanent marker to check off what you're doing to stop global warming on the back. Let others know what they can do too. Available on sweatshirts, T-shirts, polos, and more, for men, women, and children! [Details]
Change starts with you. Find your polling location and vote. I need you. Please, I beg you, vote goddamn it! Available on buttons, mini-buttons, stickers, and hats. [Details]
Federal funding for Abstinence Only Education has doubled under Bush. Numerous studies show that these students will not use protection when the time comes. Their health and future is in jeopardy. Don't let 1+1=3. Teach Contraception. Available on buttons. [Details]
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Time Machine
- open-mike.net
- If you long for the days of inner exploration, gossip, and unrequited love, all expressed through angsty poetry, songs, short stories, and blog entries, then open mike; discover what's inside.
- open-mike.net blog archives
- Oh, you're serious. You want the gossip all the way back through time to 2001? Check out these archives. Remember, blog entry frequency and length is inversely proportional to how much is actually going on.
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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About
1/15/07
The other night, while watching movies with Hans, Caitlin, and Lolita, Caitlin's dog, it started snowing and hailing furiously. This was also the precise time when Lolita started tearing around the house, furiously trying to release some energy. Though it was cold and miserable out, I offered to take the dog for a quick run around the block. Little did I know the trip was going to be a bit longer.
About half way around, I decided we should take a poo break in a nice-looking bunch of bushes. I long ago had nicknamed the dog, Poop, because of the frequent need for her to. There were a few bad experiences that I wanted to preempt. We stood, shivering in the snow, waiting for the right moment to go. Lolita made several circles as if trying to find the perfect position, then looked up and asked, "Do you want to go into space?"
I should emphasize that she didn't say this with her big, puppy-dog eyes. She spoke it, very clearly and calmly.
Nevertheless, I said, "What?" She repeated the question. I watched her lips move carefully, then replied, "OK." How could I turn down a talking dog? (Later I would learn that Lolita was not a dog at all, but a race of aliens I call, Brown Barkers.)
She led the way quickly to the parking garage at Trader Joe's where she'd parked her spaceship. It looked nearly exactly like the new Nissan 350z, so no one noticed. The inside revealed obvious differences. We tore out of the garage with the recklessness of a university student, but our wheels quickly rose from the ground, and we shot off through the atmosphere.
The journey was short for traveling between stars, lasting about five hours. I'm going to skip telling you all the amazing sites we passed along the way for now, like the details of Saturn's rings, or the comet where we made a pit stop, but someday I will elaborate. For now, I'll skip ahead to the odd arrival on the Planet Mike.
We parked back in the garage at the Trader Joe's. I know that's confusing so I'll explain. We had arrived in a city called New Seattle on a planet who knows how many light years across the galaxy from Earth. At first, I thought we'd made a round trip and returned to Earth. Lolita said that wasn't the case, but didn't elaborate further. It looked identical to me. I walked her back to my house through the snow and hail. Hans and Caitlin were sitting on the couch watching the movie. "Don't say anything," Lolita said.
"What took you so long," Caitlin asked. She turned toward me to reveal that under her distinctly Caitlin hair and glasses, she had sleek grey skin and an exaggeratedly thin body. New Seattle clearly had some differences that I needed to explore.
I've been here several weeks now, and have settled in to the new but familiar routine. I've made several discoveries already about the ways of the Planet Mike. Oddities pop up now and then that I can't yet explain. I'm not sure if it's possible to return to Earth, but I'm excited to embrace this opportunity to explore a new planet that no one has ever been to before. I have a feeling I'll discover new things about myself while here too.
I've found that with only aliens as proxies for my friends, I need more outlets for being creative. I'm not sure what creations I'll end up with, but this planet certainly inspires zany ideas.
It took me awhile to figure out how to communicate with Earth, for I do miss it, but I finally got the directional antenna working. I plan to transmit stories of my findings here as often as possible to share the mysteries of this place with you.
I'd love to hear from you too! I set up several ways for you to transmit messages to me via the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. They have an antenna large enough to send transmissions all the way to me. Send pictures of home as well as messages!
Were you looking for something more meta?
ThePlanetMike.com explores the various internal and external elements that represent and create Michael Bowers by combining non-fiction writing with science-fiction imagery.
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5 Reasons My New Palm Pre Is Awesome (& 3 Why It Sucks)
Why it's awesome:- Texting and instant messaging are identical.
- Pandora on the go.
- The internet is usable with a few square inches.
- It automatically searches the Palm and the web when I start typing.
- The multitasking commands on the touch screen are way sexy. I get to "throw" apps closed.
Why it sucks:- The keyboard is tiny to the point of unusable, and there's no on-screen keyboard or predictive typing.
- I can't transfer files to it via Bluetooth.
- The speakerphone is way too quiet.
Transmitted by Michael Bowers
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